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“A fish does not question the water it swims in—until it steps onto dry land” - Unknown

You weren’t born second-guessing yourself. But at some point, the world convinced you to give away your confidence.

Think about it: There was a time when you didn’t hesitate. You reached for what you wanted without overthinking. You spoke up without replaying your words in your head. You simply believed: If I want to do it, I can.

And then? You learned to hesitate.

It didn’t happen all at once. Maybe it was the first time you got laughed at for a wrong answer—or the moment you watched it happen to someone else and felt the quiet warning: don’t let that be me. Maybe it was when you were told that you should ‘read the room’. Or when confidence got mistaken for arrogance, and you realized standing out could just as easily make you a target.

Without realizing it, you stopped reaching, speaking, and believing.

Where does doubt come from? It is not personal. It’s the water you are swimming in.

Big Idea: Confidence Isn’t Something You Build—It’s Something You Reclaim

Maybe you grew up hearing that confidence meant proving yourself—achieving more, doing more. Or maybe you were taught it meant fulfilling a role, putting others first. Either way, the message was clear: Confidence comes from what you do.

From the beginning, you learned that confidence had conditions—meet expectations, don’t mess up, prove yourself. So you tried harder. You stacked accomplishments like armor, believing they’d make you unshakable. But the more you achieved, the more fragile you felt—like one misstep could reveal you were never enough to begin with.

And without realizing it, we teach the same lesson to those who come after us. Every morning, my daughter twirls through the house in pink tutus, practicing pirouettes like the YouTube ballerinas she adores. To her, she wasn’t learning ballet—she was a ballerina. No doubt. No second-guessing.

Then we signed her up for a real class. And the moment we stepped into that studio, everything shifted. Her tiny fingers clenched around my husband’s leg, her wide eyes brimming with tears. The girl who once danced like no one was watching, was frozen. She hadn’t lost confidence—she had stepped into the unknown. The ballet world she controlled was gone. Here, there were rules, an instructor, other kids who might know more. So she hesitated.

This is how doubt takes root. Our brains look for patterns. One moment of hesitation? That’s just nerves. But if every new challenge brings the same fear, the brain makes a connection: “This isn’t just hard—I’m not the kind of person who can do this.” And just like that, hesitation becomes a part of our sense of self. 

So how do we break the cycle? By remembering who we are and re-claiming our confidence.

1. Recognize the Script You Inherited

When you hesitate, pause. Whose voice is in your head? A teacher? A parent? A boss? That voice isn’t yours. It was given to you. And you can give it back.

2. Rewire It

The next time doubt creeps in, ask your Higher Power how to shift the language. For example:

• Instead of "I’m not ready," maybe it’s "I’m learning."

• Instead of "What if I fail?" maybe it’s "What if I succeed?"

• Instead of "I don’t belong here," maybe it’s "I’m here, so I belong."

It’s a subtle shift—but it changes how you feel and how you choose to act. It changes your vibration and what your children feel and absorb subconsciously.

3. Act Before You Feel Ready

You don’t need to feel 100% confident to move forward. You just need to trust the deeper truth of who you are—and whose you are.

From a spiritual lens, confidence isn’t something we manufacture. It’s something we receive when we walk in alignment with the purpose we were created for.

Not sure what actions to take? Close your eyes and visualize a scene that represents you at your best. Observe carefully: Who is this person? What does this place represent? What are you trying to reach? What tools are around to help you?

Closing Thoughts

Confidence doesn’t come from proving yourself. It comes when you remember you never had to—because your worth was never something to earn. It was given.

The journey to reclaim our confidence isn’t only for us. The 2023 Girls' Index survey revealed a disturbing trend:

• Girls describing themselves as confident dropped from 68% (2017) to 55% (2023)

• The largest declines occurred among 5th and 6th graders

• By 9th grade, only 50% felt confident

These numbers are an inheritance. We don’t just pass down genetics, we pass down beliefs. And if we don’t break the cycle, our kids will inherit the same hesitation, the same fear of not being “enough”, and the same instinct to shrink.

But if we reclaim our confidence, they will too.

So let’s do it together. 

Coming next: We’ve explored the five clues to clouding your vibration—reactivity, physical tension, feeling stuck, discomfort with change and a lack of confidence. Next, we’ll dive into the question ‘Who am I?’ and how we can use this answer to cultivate our vibration.

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